Well March is almost over and what a month it has been. I'd like to tell you things have slowed down, but if I did I would be lying!
On Tuesday I had to head off on yet another work trip. I'm so sick of them now I hadn't even unpacked my bag from the previous trip. The next event was dress down, so I literally just threw in some clean pants and socks, my toothbrush and some makeup - the rest was down to destiny.
Yet another hire car was dropped off. This time it was a Jeep. I have to say the Jeep was an absolute dream to drive. I preferred it to the Mazda. Now, of course, I want a Jeep. I just need the magic money tree to vomit some cash up for me.
I stayed in my regular hotel in Gosport. Not a posh hotel, but near work and I know the staff there so can usually get a good room and a wifi upgrade (and trust me the wifi upgrade is enough of a perk to do me fine).
I suddenly remembered that one of my team had 3D printed what will be my husband's birthday present. I was going to see them the next day and they had promised to put it in their luggage as they flew down from Aberdeen. As trying to get bank info from them had proved complicated (I am wondering if they even trust me) I needed to give them cash. I had none. I asked the hotel where the nearest cashpoint was. It was about a 10 minute walk or a quick drive.
I hadn't been able to set off for the hotel until late due to work meetings. By the time I got to the hotel the car park was rammed, I literally got the last space. Also it's never fun to park in a car you are unfamiliar with. I'd found a space and I'd managed to get into it without damaging the car or any other cars. So I decided to walk.
I'd just headed down the road when I heard my name being called. Turned out it was somebody that used to be on my team who was there for the same meeting and was staying at the hotel too. They walked with me to the cashpoint and we nattered. Was a really lovely chat actually and the trip went by in a flash.
We wandered back and I then had some much needed sleep. Next morning I got ready for the big day. Now I hate face to face training. There's so much going on in the room and it's a lot of time spent around humans which is really draining. I've already mentioned I hit a 15:00 hard stop and inevitably there's still hours to go.
This time it was a training session about project management in the form of a business game. I discovered just before going in that the trainer was somebody I really don't like. He seems really popular with other people, but I see something different. I see somebody that is utterly self obsessed. It's impossible to concentrate. He puts something up on screen to read and then talks about something completely different and unrelated. Usually about how he did an amazing job about something and how wonderful he is.
Now I am totally incapable of reading something without utter silence. The next thing you know we were split into groups and given a lot of other stuff to read. I read and re-read the first sentence of the first card. Nothing went in. I had literally not a clue about what was going on.
The rest of the day was dark and confusing. If you asked questions you were made to look stupid publically. I can honestly say it was utter torture. I learnt nothing because I left that room 6 hours later still not having a clue what the day was about. Depressed because I felt stupid and furious because I'd been publically humiliated. It wasn't just me either. Anybody in that room with any level of neurodiversity had been left feeling exactly the same way.
After that I had the long drive home. I mean how depressing is that. I woke the next day feeling a sense of doom, which has swung me into some low level depression again. But let's not dwell on that.
On Friday son had a half day at school. He and his friends had decided to go to Brighton Marina to go bowling. Son is 17 and this is perfectly normal behaviour, but as son doesn't really like to leave the house it's quite rare. He was due to be picked up at 15:30. I heard nothing. By 16:30 I was feeling quite stressed out. Trying not to windmill parent - because he's 17 ffs - at least that's what I kept telling myself. I sent him a message asking if he needed Pizza for supper or if he was eating out.
He pinged back almost immediately that Pizza would be great. Turns out he'd been in comms with husband who knew that he was staying out a bit later. Yes I know I'm a windmill parent - I can't help it - I love my son, but hopefully by using my cunning Pizza comment, he doesn't realise that in reality I was just trying to make sure he was still alive!
You may recall that our New Year's Eve was disrupted because the friend we were due to see was catering Claudia Shiffer's New Year's Eve party at the last minute - as you do. I've enjoyed dining out on that. Anyway this was the first week that we'd been able to catch up with her.
So off we drove to Balsham, which is a small village outside of Cambridge. Friend is son's godmother and she dotes on him so I'm pleased to say he came along and joined us.
When kids are little they are with you every minute of the day and then suddenly they grow up and they barely spend any time with you. It's very strange and it happens very suddenly. It was lovely to spend some quality time with son.
My friend is great - a complete character, well and truely a purple princess. Purple from her head to her toes - even her Hanzel and Gretel thatched cottage is painted purple. As her life has got somewhat chatoic every bit of her house is full of stuff, we were also taking our dog and she has two. So we stayed in rooms at the pub next to her house. We've stayed there before. They're great actually. They are outside the actual pub, the rooms are huge and the room we stayed in had a small single room off the main room for son to sleep in. Absolutley perfect.
We had a lovely evening, just chatting away and the boys were happy because we had an Indian takeaway. What was even more remarkable was that I managed to 99% of the night on NoSeco (alcohol free Prosecco), only having a few glasses of wine towards the end of the night to try to kick start myself as I was falling asleep and wanted to spend as much time as possible with our friend. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect and I ended up almost falling asleep on the sofa.
So I headed back to the room and husband stayed to continue nattering to friend. It's great having a friend that we both get on with so easily. Husband and friend have even been skiing together (I don't ski).
Next morning I had to set alarm because I needed to walk the dog and the clocks had changed. I headed out with dog and on way back I bumped into an elderly woman trying to get into the pub. I chatted to her and helped her get in - big mistake.
When we went in for breakfast she was there having a breakfast too. I said hello to her and we all say down on the other side of the room. Then it started. She clearly had dimentia and was furious with the world. She was utterly horrible to the people serving breakfast. Even accusing them of stealing her money.
I tried to talk her down and keep things light (husband and son were pressing themselves into their seat to try to get away). Eventually after spreading virtriol across the room the woman decided to go. As she was frail I went to try to help her (really to just get her out of there as quickly as possible). As quick as a flash she turned her fury and vitriol on me. I told her that I didn't have to put up with it like the people who were serving the breakfast and firmly said goodbye and let her get out of there without any help.
It left me feeling really sad. How sad that somebody has so much fury in their heart. I know that she'll be confused and that she didn't mean any of it, it's the dementia, but it just made me feel so sad for her that she was on her own, lonely and that her brain was giving her so many dark and angry thoughts. Dementia is such a cruel disease isn't it.
On a plus note I literally can't say enough about the people serving breakfast. They just let it wash over them without reacting. However, I can't believe that it didn't impact them.
After that we headed home - friend had already headed off, this time catering in the middle of a forest - as you do!
By the time we got home we were all utterly exhausted. Shoved a couple of washes on and did little else. It was all I could do to push myself to get supper ready. Then husband and I sat down and watched some telly and I got myself to bed as early as I could so I could make sure I was ready to get up for work given that it would be an hour earlier than last week.
Was very strange waking up in the dark again! Just a few weeks and it will level out.
This week's photo btw is some wind turbines in Balsham. I know it's not an exciting picture - but at least it's a different view from normal!
ps. I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED
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