I remember, I remember, I remember

I'm having a bit of a down day today. I mentioned previously that I think I had COVID, but it could have been something else (shrugs shoulders) dunno. Today I've got a bit of a 'flashback' as you do with so many viruses and feel grotty. 

As a result I'm taking time out and it's given me the first time to think since I was furloughed. 

Just 4 weeks before the UK shutdown one of my very best friends died, quite out of the blue. It happened when she was at work, one minute fine and the next the light was switched off. 

We spent 2 weeks rapidly organising the funeral and the wake and then suddenly all was put on hold. By the time she had her funeral only 10 people could attend - I wasn't one of them because that's when I went down with whatever virus I had and was in isolation. Her husband sent me the service and the music and I followed it 'real time' in my room. He did a great job, the service was beautiful.

The plan was that when things went back to normal we'd make it up to my friend. We'd hold an amazing memorial service where the many people who knew and loved her could pay their respects and remember the best things about her. I wonder now when we're going to be able to do that. It may even end up being on the anniversary of her death.

It's a desperate time for her poor husband as not only is he grieving, but he's having to do it alone because of the lock down - I can't even imagine what he's going through.

What's even sadder is that in any normal period of time these events would be extraordinary. But just think how many people will be in a similar situation right now. Grieving the people they love the most without being able to say goodbye properly and without the support of people around them to help them get through it.

My son and I say a little mantra every night at bed time - we have done since he was about 5 years old. The mantra is private to us, but has remained the same for the last 6 years. 5 weeks ago we added 'I remember, I remember, I remember' to the end of this to make sure we thought about my friend every day (she and my son had a very special connection). Then things got worse with COVID so we added 'I believe, I believe, I believe' so we remained positive that things would get better and then things got worse again and we added 'Stay Safe, Stay Safe, Stay Safe'.

I do believe that things will get better, but it's going to take all of us pulling together to make that happen. Remember that no matter how tough it is for you personally, it's likely that there are others out there who are having a tougher time. If you're thinking 'I doubt it' then just know that when we say Stay Safe, Stay Safe, Stay Safe each night we're saying it for you.

I'm hoping that I wake up tomorrow back to my positive self again. Until then... 
I remember, I remember, I remember;
I believe, I believe, I believe;
Stay Safe, Stay Safe, Stay Safe.