All is not as it seems

I'm struggling this week. Sleep patterns are all over the place and I feel like I'm in limbo. I think it's because everything feels like it's going back'ish to 'normal' (although perhaps temporary - watch this space), but my situation remains the same.

I realised I'd spent the last few months of furlough desperately preparing for the future - whatever that future may be. I'm such a control freak! However, short of learning everything from bricklaying to nuclear science (to be honest brick laying would be massively useful, perhaps.... NO STOP) I can't prepare for a future when I don't know what it might be. 

Also you have to be careful not to make snap decisions that might not be the right decisions.

I've done ok with reduced funds over furlough - but not great. I know they say it's 80% of salary, but that's capped at a salary I had many years ago. Some of my outgoings - things like petrol for commuting and lunch/coffee costs have stopped, but most of the big outgoings remain the same. I've also got my nephews 18th this month (think I'll have to do big present for 21st) and my son starts a new school in September and I have to get him a new blazer, jumper, shirts, trousers etc. Fortunately I think we can keep his old games kit going a bit longer.

Also I've needed to spend money on things I've never needed to buy before, like over priced hand sanitiser, face masks etc. And my weekly shop is CONSIDERABLY more expensive than it was before the furlough. Can't quite put my finger on why as it's hard to spot prices of items having gone up massively. Now son is back at school I'm also having to fill up the car (which I think needs to go into the garage) as he goes to school in a different town.

As husband is still working it's not like we'll be out on the street, but we have fixed things that each of us are responsible for paying for - so his salary means we will hopefully be ok, but it's an added stress.

Anyway, as a result of this I've now cleared through all my savings.  Quite scary when you don't know how you're going to fill them up again (could seriously do with that lottery win right now).

I'm also massively frustrated by the way COVID-19 is being managed. Both by Government and also other people. I see other countries like New Zealand that appear to have cracked the situation. I'm still the only person wearing a mask when I go out. They say that wearing a mask is for other people and not for you. So I'm essentially saving the lives of people around me that can't be bothered to do the same for others. Do they think this has all finished. It seriously hasn't - people are still getting sick and people are still dying. Until we clear things up in this country many of us can't go back to work.

I know i'll feel better next week, but I'm sick and tired of emotions going up and down like a yo yo. Actually harder for me now as husband still working as normal, but from home and son back at school - so as far as everybody around me is concerned things are all ok. As the Mum it tends to be my job to hold the family together. Definitely not easy when I'm a bigger mess than everybody else in the family.

Stiff upper lip and all that - what could go wrong.

Picture by the way was a piece of my sons home schooling - when they learnt about camouflage - I thought it was pretty cool actually.