Feeling a bit blue

 

Well I'm not going to lie - I'm in a bit of a blue funk at the moment.

Like so many people the latest lockdown has sent me reeling. Son is home schooling, husband is working from home and I'm still waiting for the contract to arrive for my new job.

This is more than a little frustrating. I'm now officially not earning any money - there are bits of work being offered to me that I could pick up to make some cash, but I'm having to turn them down as when I initially spoke to new company I was meant to start on 18th January. I really don't know what to do. I know it will all sort itself out in the end, but not being able to do anything and knowing that at the end of this month no salary is coming in is just a BIT STRESSFUL.

Once again school is doing a good job of home schooling with lots of activity online. Now son is in seniors it's a lot more structured - which isn't going down too well with son. But I'm proud of how he's applying himself.

Much excitement at weekend - went to butchers to buy meat and when I turned up he was ashen. He'd just sliced into his hand with a stanley knife whilst sorting out some meat. I tried to patch it together for him, but every time I tried to stick it together it just split open. He refused to go to the big hospital locally so I ended up driving him to the cottage hospital son went to for his split lip. 

He wasn't massively impressed that I insisted driving with the windows down and us both wearing masks. But I gave him the option of walking the 6 mile journey so in the end he agreed.

I waited for him in the car park. There were only a few cars in there - and one of those portable boob screening trailers. Two cars down from mine there was a brand new sparkly version of my car. Same colour and everything. I've got a mini - I definitely had mini envy. So to entertain myself I wandered over to the new car (mine is 12 years old!) to admire it. Suddenly a head popped out of the portable boob screener and somebody asked 'can I help you'. Oh, I said I'm just waiting for somebody inside.

It only occurred to me earlier today that the person probably thought I was about to steal their car. Hey ho.

Popped head into butchers earlier to see if he was ok. He said that he was fine and was impressed with how easily I dealt with the injury. I explained that I spent most of my childhood dealing with stanley knife injuries. 

My dad used to make these stunning ornaments. He'd hollow out a silver birch log and make it into a house. There'd be floors inside that you could see through windows and he'd carve little mice doing things in the house. They were amazing there would be hand carved kitchens, ball rooms, bedrooms - so intricate. He modled them on Brambley Hedge.

Whilst he was amazingly talented with this (he sold them for big sums up in London) he was also very accident prone. Not a weekend went by when I wasn't holding some part of his hand together after he'd sliced it apart with a stanley knife.

Who knew this would end up being a life skill I needed all these years later.

Anyway, this is the time of year when I start to fill my diary. I make sure I see my parents at least once a month (not going to happen for the foreseeable). There's a friend I arrange to meet on the last Sunday of every month for lunch (they died this time last year). I organise summer holidays (not going to book anything overseas as who knows if we can go) and I organise a few weekends away to give us something to look forward to (I really don't need to say anything here).

On top of all of this the weather is utterly grey and miserable, the nights are still long and so it's difficult to juggle walks in daylight - especially with the timetables of son and husband. My cleaner is currently in isolation - and I'm not sure if she should come back in anyway. I'm just completely and utterly miserable.

I think that this is the worst I've felt since this whole thing started. Hopefully it will pass quite soon.

So on that bright note I shall sign off for this blog. Sorry if I've been a downer, but I do think it's important to be honest. At least if you're feeling bloomin aweful too you know you're not alone.

Hugs.