Bad times

I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling really low at the moment and don't seem to be able to shake it off.

New full time job is good and I'm enjoying it and it's good to have something solid to cling on to, but everything else is just rubbish isn't it! This lockdown is so much harder than the other ones. I know spring is around the corner and I'm clinging to that, but it feels a long way off.

I've literally had enough of this house. Many have left home every day to go to work, I've gone from feeling really sorry for them to a little bit jealous. They at least get out every day. I should point out I don't genuinely feel jealous - basically they are keeping the country ticking along and putting themselves and their families at risk for other people. They are heros in my eyes - whatever activity they are doing. Those in the NHS are super heros.

I realise that we had our first lockdown at the end of March 2020. That means that I've been essentially locked in the house for coming up to a year. Prior to lockdown we weren't going out because we were worried about what was happening from the news. In fact the last thing I did - apart from go out for a few meals around September last year was to go to the greyhounds with son during 2020 February half term. Even then we were careful and cleaned our table with disinfectent etc - though we weren't wearing masks then.

Whilst the jabs are going out there's news now that they are not so effective with a new strain from South Africa. I'm not sure what this means - will we be locked down longer? Scotland are letting kids go back to school later this month - I so want son to go back to school - it's so hard for him to be an only kid stuck at home. I have honestly got to the point where I don't care if he brings the virus home and I end up 6 feet under. There's no point being alive if you're not living your life.

That sounds really dramatic doesn't it, I can't believe I put that thought in writing. However, this post is about being honest and right now I definitely have a grey cloud over my head.

Hopefully this blue funk will clear soon. Doubtless my next post will be pink fluffy unicorns, luckily blue funks don't hang around for too long - but it's going to take a strong wind to make this one shift m'thinks.