Gnome Wars

Ahhhhh, having a week off. Last week I was completely on my knees with exhaustion. Monday was a bank holiday and I have this Friday booked off for husbands birthday. I got to Tuesday last week and made a snap decision to take the rest of the week off. It's always tiring when you have a new job, starting a new job working remotely is also a completely new thing to me.

In some ways it makes life easier, my social skills are poor and so it's good not to have to worry about being 'liked' (or in my world, not inadvertently offending somebody - or using a swear word at the wrong time). However, it does make things tougher because there's nobody around to either see you struggle and give advice or for you to just turn to and say.... could you remind me... or .... could you tell me.

But regardless. Last week I could barely put one thought in front of the other.

Yesterday was amazing. It was my first day off without any childcare responsibility in 12 years. I spent the entire day on the sofa in my pajamas, bliss.............. today I'm going to do some stuff - try to do some of the activities that have been piling up.

So why the gnome? Firstly I'd like to point out that just last year I saw these 2.5 foot gnomes and thought... WHO ON EARTH WOULD BUY ONE OF THOSE. Guess, what - a year later it turns out the answer is.... ME.

My brother has done rather better in life than I have. He and family live in a stunning house. Sister-in-law has immaculate taste and spends hours carefully chosing furniture and artwork. I'd like to point out that's all completely different from my life. House is the one husband and I could afford in area we wanted to live in. 

Sadly I have spent far too much of my life walking around bric-a-brac and antique shops, trawling flea markets and falling in love with quirky things in shops. As a result my house is something of a mix between ye olde curiosity shop and a junk yard. I kid you not - on the bookshelf to my left I can see a propeller, ship in bottle, dinosaur footprint, dinosaur tooth, a farting ninja (awesome) and many photographs of son. Oh and also a white rabbit blowing a horn (I'm obsessed with Alice in Wonderland).

I often say to husband that it would be amazing if house burnt down, this would clear out all my tut and I could start again.

So why the gnome!? A couple of years ago I bought my brother a solar powered ninja garden gnome (the eyes light up at night). I had had one of those moments when you think 'what do you buy as a present for the person that has everything'.... obviously solar powered ninja garden gnome was the first thing that came to mind. Perfect.

Needless to say, he didn't put it in his garden, I understand it's in the bedroom. Then for my following birthday my brother bought me 2 very tacky gnomes, a boy gnome wearing just a hat and a girl gnome wearing just a hat and bikini bottoms. Both in repose with a drink in their hand. I was actually quite proud of these and they are pride of place on my patio visible from the dining room french doors.

My brother and wife on the spur of a moment, just bought a lovely house for weekend use a couple of miles from me (like you do!). Sister-in-law has spent the last few weeks doing this up with her immaculate and classy style. Husband, son and I went over to see house for the first time this weekend.

I was wondering what to buy them as a welcome in present. I thought there is no point buying wine as it wouldn't be the right type. A plant wouldn't work as they wouldn't be there to water it all the time. So the next thought was obvious - I know I'll buy them a 2 foot 5 Garden Gnome!

I have to say it was inspired. The house has a lovely courtyard garden with lots of aged mirrors on the walls and lovely stone ornaments. Now, just to one side, it also has a garish 2 foot 5 garden gnome. 

I could tell they were thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder where they will hide it - perhaps they may have a terrible accident and drop it by mistake - only time will tell.

My birthday is coming up - I half expect a small truck to turn up with a 20 foot garden gnome on the back. Thing is - I think I might rather like that - the only question is whether it goes in the front garden or the back - or perhaps in the centre of the sitting room.