Life is more complicated than I want it to be

 I'm normally very good at taking random photos to use in my blog, but have failed miserably the last few weeks.

I'm struggling at the moment, absolutely shattered. I had this bizarre moment on Saturday for about 2 hours. I'd got up early and done my many many Saturday chores. Around 2pm I got to a point of exhaustion where I couldn't move another muscle. So I went to bed for a nap.

I woke up from my nap feeling 'normal'. Not tired, my eyes were not burning and I didn't feel like I was moments away from tipping over! You may feel this is normal when waking up from a nap - but no I'm so shattered right now that I wake up in the morning feeling utterly exhausted with the whole day stretching ahead of me.

Back to normal. It felt utterly bizarre - I stood there in wonderment remembering how I used to feel in the good old days before my thyroid packed up and my menopause started. This wonderful feeling lasted for a whole 3 hours. At least I know I can feel normal again.

I'm comfortable there is nothing sinister going on with my body - it's just overwork and the medical conditions stated above. But I'll be honest - it sucks. I actually have a free weekend coming up - when I say free weekend - what I mean is nothing planned for Sunday. What this really means is that it frees up time for me to do some more chores, but at least they'll not be hanging over me any more.

I need to get back to a blog I'm working on for a friend who has recently been through stem cell therapy. Work is so frantic at the moment I haven't had a single moment that I felt strong enough to do more work on it. That said in my brief spell of feeling normal on Saturday I whacked up a load of meals for the week. So I don't need to cook every night after work. That's going to buy me at least an hour a day I can work on it.

Though everything in my life feels like scope creep at the moment. At day job I'm having to become an expert in something that has no interest to me, but if I don't do it nobody else can. When I started the blog for my friend I anticipated about 10 videos and text, we're currently at 44 videos and due to tech they've all been WhatsApped, this is ok, but I don't have any file names etc. so it's taking me a lot longer than I'd originally anticipated. 

She's worth it though and it's a really interesting story.

So what's with my utterly rubbish 3 minute graphic of a gingerbread man?

Back in February 2019 I booked my family and my parents into my favourite restaurant The Gingerman in Brighton for lunch. This was my birthday present to my mum. Then COVID got scarier and scarier. I ended up having to cancel it (we were due to go in April). Whilst my immediate family (husband and son) have been back a couple of times - we still hadn't been able to get my parents through the doors.

Yesterday was the big day - I can't begin to tell you how yummy the food was. I ended up eating about 4 times the amount I normally do because I simply couldn't leave anything uneaten. On the plate was a huge carrot (as well as other stuff)- how boring 'I thought'. I couldn't have been more wrong - this single carrot was perhaps the nicest thing I've ever eaten. I asked how they made it - it had been soaked in marinade for several hours and then slow cooked for about 8 with lots of yummy things on it. 

My mum thought I was going over the top with how much I was ooing and ahhhing over it. But honestly if I could only eat one other thing for the rest of my life - it would be this particular carrot cooked in that particular way!

Anyway, mum and dad seemed to enjoy the meal. Though there were some awkward points at the meal. Dads got dementia and it's beginning to gallop a bit now. He's much quieter than he used to be and then when he does talk often he comes out with things that are a bit awkward. Yesterday at lunch he started to talk to mum about the girl he'd proposed to before her that had turned him down. This was news to my mother - which is quite something after 56 years of marriage.

The thing is it may not even be the truth - it may just be the way his brain currently remembers things. I know that dad utterly adores mum - his retired life has been all about doing things for her like taking her to bridge and picking her up from bridge.

It's been really tough for mum at times it must feel like she doesn't know the person she lives with any more. 

I really wish I could spend more time over there, but they are an hour and a quarter away and I just have something that fills every hour of my waking life. It's good that Christmas is coming up as we usually see a lot more of them. I feel like my hands are tied as I have to be there for my family as well - I guess that's one of the problems with having a kid later in life than the 'norm' - it means that you can't be around for your parents in the same way that they were able to be for theirs as their kids had flown the nest by the time the support was needed.

A very strange time at the moment. The thing is as well although we're trying to be a bit more normal with life - everything is more complicated because of COVID and the darned thing is just not going away. It looks like it's here to stay. I think the world is going to have to slow down a bit or we are all going to burn out.