It's behind you.....

 Another day another dollar! About to start work and I have to be honest I'm not in the mood. Lot's going on - though let's face it January/February are always a bit of a low point for me.

I'm studiously taking my vitamin D, but for some reason pre-Spring it always affects my thyroid problem the worst. This is why I take the vitamin D - it's the only difference I can think of.

Work continues to not be particularly nice at the moment, I'm sticking with it for now, but have updated my CV in case I have a wobble. The problem is I'm really proud to do the job I do - it's just that the reality isn't great and it's very stressful. I'm up and down with my decision. One way or another destiny will make the decision for me. That's what normally happens. 

I certainly don't feel the same way I did when I wanted to leave my old job - I was trapped then with no easy escape. It's impossible when you are a working mum - you know you can't be as flexible as you could before you had the responsibilities. Plus you're always shattered and likely you also have gone part time. COVID was my destiny decision. I was thrilled to be away from work and then during COVID decided there was no way I could return - then got made redundant (whoop). So destiny is sometimes kind (not always).

It somewhat reduces your options to flee. It's different now though - son is 14 and quite self-sufficient (or getting there anyway! He'd still let me wait on him hand and foot if he could get away with it). So at least I have the flexibility. Also I kept most of my redundancy (that I haven't had to spend in order to afford life with my rubbish pay in the job I'm currently doing). So that does mean I can support myself for a while if needed.

I have to say pay is a real issue with my job - it doesn't cover my outgoings - and my outgoings are very meagre. But living in one of the most expensive areas in the country means that earning the same pittance as somebody in one of the cheapest areas of the country doesn't work. Every month I have to transfer a little pinch more of my savings - just to pay my bills. Basically it's not sustainable.

What to do.

On a less whingy note - this weekend was the local Pantomime. I just love the local Panto. It's always really well written and it's very local - so fun to see people you see around and about putting a show on. Obviously it's not of a West End quality - but it's always a whole load of fun and the audience of 150 throw themselves into it shouting 'Boo, Hiss, It's behind you' and singing along with the cast.

I wasn't sure if son would come this year as he's obviously 'too cool for skool', like any 14 year old. But at the last minute he said 'I'll come to the panto, because it's probably the last one I'll go to'. Now I have to admit that was a double edged sword. Thrilled he was going to come and 'play', but devastated that my baby boy is slowly stepping away. I can't believe he's going to be 15 this year.

Before you know it he'll be at University - I suspect he'll then go on to do something interesting after that so not be home. Though if he decides not to go on a mission of some shape or form he'll probably come home - because what kid can afford to leave home before they are 25 now!

It will be interesting to see the changes in my life once he leaves school. Husband and I had just got to the point when other couples slow down a bit - when I became pregnant with son. So whilst our friends have bought flats they can visit at the weekend we've spent all our cash putting our son through school. Hopefully the fees will not go up significantly until he's finished his A levels - though I have a nasty feeling it will be before then.

Apologies, bit of a random ramble this week - obviously a lot going through my mind.

Bring on some sunshine please - it will lift my mood!