Wibble

 

An interesting start to the week. I mentioned previously that I'm struggling at work at the moment. Not enough resource, too many projects and a lot of the activity is outside of my comfort zone and something of a stretch.

I was in a meeting on Monday when my next project flared up. From the discussion I identified a number of things, some things I hadn't done, some things I'd done I probably shouldn't but beyond everything the project when it started 'proper' was likely to be another huge project out of my comfort zone.

All of that realisation came in a snap second and suddenly................ wibble.............. fortunately the meeting was on Teams and so I didn't end up making a scene in person. I merely stated that I couldn't continue with the call and left the meeting.

#drama - I hate being in the centre of drama. Many who know me will be surprised to hear that, but I think I'm different outside of work from how I am within work. There I just want to motor forward towards targets. But here was me having a massive wibble.

To be fair I did have a headache and so my resistance was low.

I woke on Tuesday and the headache had gone from slight to pounding. I decided that I was in no fit state to work. Woke up Wednesday and headache had abated, not gone but abated, so I returned to work.

To be fair on my boss (who had been in wibble meeting) he was as calm and casual about the situation as I'd expect him to be. I think my boss is great by the way. He spends a lot of his time (more, I expect, than he would wish to) trying to stop BS coming my way. He knows I appreciate this - I've told him endlessly.

I knew I couldn't ignore the wibble, so I sat down and started to analyse my personal workload. Not that of the team, my own. I listed about 30 different activities. Each was on a different thing with a different skillset. That in itself is stressful. I then colour coded activity by what was within my comfort zone (skillset - not things that were necessarily easy) and which activities were skills that I didn't have and so was having to develop to complete the activity. Finally, I analysed which activities were small, medium sized and big. 

It was such a valuable exercise. From this analysis I could immediately see what the issue is. I'm currently spending 70% of my working time working outside of my skillset. To make up for the roles that have left my team and not been replaced. Plus I identified that all the things that are important to me, for my team to be successful and driving forward to a better future - were things that I couldn't get to and so were being ignored.

This gave me a great platform for a later conversation with my boss. Ideal because I could talk facts and figures and avoid talking about emotions. Something I absolutely hate. We had a good chat, there's no outcomes from it yet, but sharing my findings and knowing that somebody else knows why I'm stressed out (whether they are interested or not) has helped.

In other news, I have at long last got my hair cut. I had to wait a full 4 weeks before they could fit me in. I was beginning to look like the wild woman of the west. I'm sure you're thrilled to know that my hair is now cut. It's going to make a huge difference to your day.

Weather is changeable - still some nice patches of sunshine. We do get those in October sometimes - in fact I've seen more sun in October than the whole of the summer. 

After work yesterday, husband went to support son at his school because they were giving the GCSE kids hints and tips and strategies for revision (a great idea, but not sure why it needed to be after school!). Husband went along as parents were expected - we're tag teaming at the moment. Last week husband did parents evening, Saturday I did the 6th form look around. Tuesday son stayed late at school to work on his DT project and so I drove there after work to pick him up. So it was husband's turn again this time. On the way back to the car - with no coats on either of them - the clouds formed and tipped about 20 gallons of water on them in about 30 seconds. They arrived home looking like drowned rats! I was very glad it wasn't me.

I have literally no idea how solo parents cope. Especially if they work. It's a huge amount of activity to do alongside looking after yourself and a job. Absolute credit to them - they definitely don't get the appreciation and wonder they deserve.

On Thursday I got a WhatApp from a lovely friend who lives in Canada, they were showing all their cool halloween 'stuff'. There was one witch they had that I knew son's godmother would absolutely adore. I started a conversation to see if they could buy one and send it to me in the UK. Friend was up for that, but very intelligently visited his local Post Office with their witch to just see how much it was going to cost to post it. The cost was £99!!!!!!!!! Needless to say we decided to give up on that idea. Thank goodness they went and checked before buying!

On Saturday I spent the whole day cooking. Well not the whole day! I got up early to go to butchers to get some meat first. Then came home and cooked for 6 for Saturday evening (main course and 2 x puds) and then I prepped for a roast for 5 on the Sunday (so I didn't spend 2 days cooking) and also made a shepherds pie for husband and son because I'm away next weekend. I was exhausted by the end of it. Rest of the weekend was spent entertaining. 

Dad is off to hospital this week because there's something wrong with his chest. Always a worry when your dad is in his late 80's. I hope that he's ok.

Bit of a set too last night. Husband and son have an amazing relationship. If I'm honest I'm even a little bit jealous of it. They play games on the computer together, paint figurines together - two peas in a pod. If I was nicer I'd do those things as well so I could be part of it. But I'd rather swallow my head, so I tolerate the jealousy. Last night I was watching Rivals on Disney (loving it! - fabulously low brow - though I don't remember quite so much nooky in the books) - suddenly upstairs the two of them were having an enormous very aggressive argument. It sounded like they were having a punch up. I sprinted upstairs to break up what I thought was a fight. 

Turns out husband had been sitting on son's bed saying goodnight to him and a huge spider had run across the duvet. Son is terrified of spiders (like you wouldn't believe). In leaping out of his bed he had elbowed husband in the face and then pushed him onto the floor on his face. Son was freaking out about the spider and husband was reacting to an unprovoked and unexpected attack. Needless to say it all calmed down - well once the entire bedroom had been sprayed with spider repellent anyway.

This week's picture kinda summed up my week. I was walking along the road and saw a telegraph pole with a load of migrating birds sitting on it. I thought 'that will make an amazing picture against the grey sky. By the time I got my phone out and put the camera on all but one of them had flown away! As I say, sort of summed up the week.