Ouchy!

 Have managed to remain back in work, which is great news. On Monday I had to travel to Lee-on-the-Solent for a work meeting. I had a bit of a meltdown in the meeting, which my colleagues dealt with well - but as the week has gone on I find I'm feeling stronger. Resilience has always been a strength for me, but sometimes because of that I plough on too long. Hopefully taking that brief breather last week stemmed the flow of something worse.

It's been a busy week. Son is doing his Mock's and so is spending all his time studying and one set of his magazines have arrived for delivery. Really couldn't have been a worse time. As per normal we split the load in half. I deliver half and son and husband do the other half together. It's not quite as unfair as it sounds, because of my arthritis they have the deliveries with lots of steps and I get the easier roads. The main reason for the split though is that they like to do it in dribs and drabs that make it last a week, whilst I will power through and get mine done across a single leg wearying day.

I can't wait until son gets another job so we can drop it. Delivering leaflets is not how I saw my future. Though it's not that unpleasant and if I ever found myself out of work I'd happily do more of it to keep some cashflow going. It's just fitting it in alongside proper job that's annoying.

Because son is doing Mocks it means that his delivery time is better spent preparing for exams. So I decided to help him out a bit and instead of taking dog for fun walk have been delivering some of the bits that son and husband normally do.

Yesterday lunchtime I decided to do the road that we actually live in. It seemed really cold so I wrapped up warm. The start of the road is about 5 from us. So I walked to that house and delivered, by the time I got to our next door neighbour I was wilting from the heat. So I popped back into our house, stripped off some layers and headed off again. I'd got about 4 houses past us when I realised I'd forgotten the rucksack with all the leaflets and only had the ones in my hand. So I headed back home again and picked up the bag. 

Continuing on my way I walked up some steps to the next house I would deliver to - as I got to the top of the steps the dog went psycho and was trying to hide from nothing. Then she started to limp terribly. At the bottom of the steps was a broken paving slap and I was worried she'd caught her leg on it. We immediately headed home with dog limping and running in circles the whole way - it was very strange. As soon as I got in the door I called for husband to help. He lifted her up and as he did a wasp fell out of the fur on her leg and landed on the floor. We knew what had happened.

As with most wasps at this time of year it was dopey and on the floor. Let's just say I disposed of it quickly. Dog was so sorry for herself, her eyes had gone dull and she was holding her leg up in agony. 

Husband carried her upstairs to my study and she lay there like a limp rag. I phoned vet to see if there was any painkiller I could collect from them. I confirmed she seemed ok, but sad and that there was no swelling. The vet then informed me that unless I arranged a £55 appointment there was nothing they would give me. Frankly I was quite appalled by this and told them as much. They basically let an animal suffer for their financial gain. I fail to believe that if a human can give themselves an ibuprofen without going to the doctor there is literally nothing a vet can supply.

The evening was spent trying to make dog as comfortable as possible - I even let her sit in my queen bitch spot on the sofa - and by bedtime she was looking better.

Fast forward to this morning. The dog is looking so much better and bouncing around as normal. Obviously now I'm already irritated by this and have decided she was much easier yesterday. 

Then husband comes down and tells me that he's not sure what's happened, but his big toe is really hurting and can I take a look at it. I took a good look at it and couldn't find anything. I then pointed out that I'd used all my lovely caring side up yesterday and he was on his own to resolve his big toe problem.

Anyway, I have lots of leaflets still to deliver that didn't get done yesterday (well 8 of them did), I'm going to have to try to fit those in at some point today. Somehow. It's much harder now the nights have drawn in.

Husbands toe continued to be painful, we think it may be gout. This is something of a shocker as we both thought that gout was something fat men who drank port and ate stilton got. Husband doesn't have a shred of fat on him, doesn't drink port and we only have stilton at Christmas. He's been in a bad way for about 5 days now. He needs to go to doctor to have his blood taken apparently, then they can work out what it is. This morning for the first time he woke up saying it didn't hurt so much, so hopefully he's on the mend.

As he's younger than me (only 4 years, I'm no cougar), he's only just hit middle-age and so this is a bit of a shock for him. I've been falling apart for 4 years already and so I'm used to it.

Though kudos to him, the next batch of magazines arrived on Friday and he ploughed forward with these knowing that I struggled with the bigger batch. I had said at the end of the last delivery that I couldn't do the Deans any more because it was to bulky for me now I'm old and infirm. Because he was in pain I did spend my weekend getting my normal lot delivered though. Though after the delivery on Saturday I did have to sit down with a bad back!

I was a bit disappointed by son. Essentially, this is his job and we are overly involved with collating the magazines with leaflets and also doing huge parts of the delivery. I said to him that he needed to step up because his dad was in pain. His response was 'I'm already probably going to have to give it up because you will not do your bit any more'. Such a response doesn't motivate me into action. Many swear words went through my mind. He enjoys having the money, but not the activity that goes before it. WELL WELCOME TO THE WORKING WORLD! 

To be fair on him he does have anxiety about leaving the house alone, though as he gets older he is going to have to work through this. Especially if he wants to continue down his chosen career. That said, after work experience this year, I'm confident he'll cope.

On the subject of motivation. I think I've had it with this work m'larky. I've got to an age where I'm not ambitious about the future. I've got far enough with my career and am proud of what I've achieved. I'm clearly never going to be a high roller. That ship sailed, but my home life was always more important than my work life. 

It's ironic, those people that make loads of money so they can do whatever they want and enjoy life, never quite give up work. Those people that could have loads of fun with the money they have, don't have the money and have to keep on working. Life's a bitch huh!!!!!

I really have got to a point where I want to give it all up and do pretty things. However, son still has 2 years at school and the fees have just gone up £4K a year. 

On Saturday I let friends know that from January our get togethers are only going to be once a month. I worked out that I could save at least £1K by doing that. So that's some of the school fees clawed back. When son goes to university I draw a line. He can fund that himself, there are plenty of options of how he can do that. And nowadays you can get qualifications whilst being paid. Though we may have to help him with rent if he does his study somewhere expensive. 

I'm aware I've started simply typing my rambling chain of thought. I think it's probably time to sign-off. Oooh except to say, Christmas lights went on this weekend. EXCITING.